My best friend Jason came up early this morning for the week. This makes me happy. Of course Elijah thinks it is one of the greatest things. He came in the room and jumped on Jason at eight thirty this morning. They have hung out ever since. Of course it is Sunday so I made eggs bacon, and cinnimon buns for breakfast again. I only made pasta for dinner. We went to my Uncle Franks for a little while then came home and Jason helped Elijah with his book report.
Well for those of you who have been reading for a while Yes, Laundry was done today and we watched the race. Damm that Gordon won again. Someone should really get me the keys to Dales car and I will teach him how to drive it. We really need a win soon because we are not even in the top ten in points.
I didn't hear from my sis today or yesterday and this is not like her. I am begining to think that she is not happy that Jason came up to see me. But I will wait for her to let me know what is going on. I do not want to put any words in anyones mouth.
Junior finally called today after a few days and I just feel like this is what I was waiting for. For him to turn into the old Mister Guzman. His mom is moving in with him and although she has not yet I do not think I will hear much from him when she does. I am hoping then when I take Jason home he will want to see me but only time will tell.
Thats about all for now remember I hate 24 and we will win next week.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
It's hard enough to be in love.
Loving someone in the world we live in today is hard enough, but now everyone feels they get to tell you if you are in love and who you can love. Years ago I fell in love with a very special person. Of course noone but me thought it would work. He is now in heaven and Yes I still love him. Recently I started wondering what love could really be like the second time around.
Don't get me wrong of course I have dated other guys and even had children, however I can honestly say the feelings weren't the same. Now I have a best friend who is getting married and people say we can't be together. Well I can not help but wonder why I feel such a connection to him.
It started a year ago when my sister introduced us. We instantly clicked I told him things I haven't told anyone, We laughed and I could just be myself with him. A month after talking to him I flew him to Florida to come and visit me and my sister. We changed the plans so much I never thought he was going to come. Then the day came and I went to the airport to get him.
When he got off the plain I new exactly who he was. It was as if we had known each other our whole life and for a moment time stood still. He spent that week with me and every night he slept with me in his arms. NO we did not have sex then, but it still ment so much more. The week of course went to fast but he had to get back to work in New Jersey. It did not take long for my sister to decide she wanted to go back to Jersey. I then quit my job and began my new Journey.
I moved to PA and went to Jersey often to see my sister and my newly founded best friend. The end of May I actually ended up in a hotel with him and yes we had sex. It didn't change anything except for bringing us closer. That summer we spent time plenty of time together and he tried to convince me to stay in Jersey. I could not do that because I had to better the life of my son and myself. I then moved two hours away in PA and started working.
Jason and I kept in contact via the phone and internet and we told each other everything. He was such a big part of my life.
The the phone call came that made me really look at the way I felt for him. Jason was leaving the United States to go and get engaged. My heart was crushed, but I was not sure why. He is my best friend and I am suppose to want to see him happy. Yet, I was ( and still am) sure that she was not going to do that.
Now months after he put a ring on someone elses finger I am still trying to figure out if I am ready to give up my best friend or if I am feeling something so much stronger. In other words, Yup I think I have fallen in love with my best friend.
Jason is the person I look forward to hanging out with, I love who I am when I am with him. I fell like the person I lost when Cheech died. Like I am me again and I am not dead inside waiting for my outsides to catch up. I have a whole new light in my life to the point that when people ask me what are the three most important things that I can not live without My best friend Jason is right after my kids.
Well if I had to look someone in the eye and answer honestly if I love Jason I would have to answer YES I love Jason. Is that Love enough to get me through watching my best friend marry another women, god I hope so. I want him to be happy and no matter what I think he thinks he will be. Its hard as hell to try to let him go but I guess I have to.
I tried to listen to my friends when they tell me I don't love him and I did everything they said right down to making a list of why we should not be together. I listened to their advice and even tried to put space inbetween us and the only thing it did was make me want him even more. So why is it that others get to try and tell you when you are in love.
From now untill forever I wanna decided who I love and when it is right for me. And yes cheech was right for me. Now I will confess Yes I love Jason but as his best friend I will let him make his own mistakes, and like a best friend should. I will be there when it doesn't work out.
Will I put my life on hold for him NO But will I always be there to take his call and ease the pain Yes and tomorrow Mister Baker will still be the second thing in life that I cant live without. Whether or not he marries someone else I'm always going to be there.
Don't get me wrong of course I have dated other guys and even had children, however I can honestly say the feelings weren't the same. Now I have a best friend who is getting married and people say we can't be together. Well I can not help but wonder why I feel such a connection to him.
It started a year ago when my sister introduced us. We instantly clicked I told him things I haven't told anyone, We laughed and I could just be myself with him. A month after talking to him I flew him to Florida to come and visit me and my sister. We changed the plans so much I never thought he was going to come. Then the day came and I went to the airport to get him.
When he got off the plain I new exactly who he was. It was as if we had known each other our whole life and for a moment time stood still. He spent that week with me and every night he slept with me in his arms. NO we did not have sex then, but it still ment so much more. The week of course went to fast but he had to get back to work in New Jersey. It did not take long for my sister to decide she wanted to go back to Jersey. I then quit my job and began my new Journey.
I moved to PA and went to Jersey often to see my sister and my newly founded best friend. The end of May I actually ended up in a hotel with him and yes we had sex. It didn't change anything except for bringing us closer. That summer we spent time plenty of time together and he tried to convince me to stay in Jersey. I could not do that because I had to better the life of my son and myself. I then moved two hours away in PA and started working.
Jason and I kept in contact via the phone and internet and we told each other everything. He was such a big part of my life.
The the phone call came that made me really look at the way I felt for him. Jason was leaving the United States to go and get engaged. My heart was crushed, but I was not sure why. He is my best friend and I am suppose to want to see him happy. Yet, I was ( and still am) sure that she was not going to do that.
Now months after he put a ring on someone elses finger I am still trying to figure out if I am ready to give up my best friend or if I am feeling something so much stronger. In other words, Yup I think I have fallen in love with my best friend.
Jason is the person I look forward to hanging out with, I love who I am when I am with him. I fell like the person I lost when Cheech died. Like I am me again and I am not dead inside waiting for my outsides to catch up. I have a whole new light in my life to the point that when people ask me what are the three most important things that I can not live without My best friend Jason is right after my kids.
Well if I had to look someone in the eye and answer honestly if I love Jason I would have to answer YES I love Jason. Is that Love enough to get me through watching my best friend marry another women, god I hope so. I want him to be happy and no matter what I think he thinks he will be. Its hard as hell to try to let him go but I guess I have to.
I tried to listen to my friends when they tell me I don't love him and I did everything they said right down to making a list of why we should not be together. I listened to their advice and even tried to put space inbetween us and the only thing it did was make me want him even more. So why is it that others get to try and tell you when you are in love.
From now untill forever I wanna decided who I love and when it is right for me. And yes cheech was right for me. Now I will confess Yes I love Jason but as his best friend I will let him make his own mistakes, and like a best friend should. I will be there when it doesn't work out.
Will I put my life on hold for him NO But will I always be there to take his call and ease the pain Yes and tomorrow Mister Baker will still be the second thing in life that I cant live without. Whether or not he marries someone else I'm always going to be there.
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